When Leaves Ring

A gentle flutter, the weight of the rain
The rush of the storm, or the change of their stain
Life or death the reason could be
Change of the season is always hard not to see
The gallery of beauty envelopes my soul
My heart joins in and adds to the toll
“For Him we ring, for Him we sing”
Is the song of the trees when the leaves decide to ring.

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Lies versus Truth

I am a very emotional person.  There I said it, admitting you have a problem is the first step right!

Weeding through the daily barrage can be more than I can handle some days.  That is why I love my friend Joann.  She is the logic to my emotion.  I can rely on her to take a machete to my emotions; quickly clearing the way to the lie at the root them.  And she does it with so much joy and fun that I don’t know what I would do without her.

Recently, we traveled to Dallas to attend a close friend’s wedding.  Our flight was pretty early, so we were up before the crack of dawn ( 4:30am to be exact)!  By the time we crawled into bed that night, around 10:30, to say we were slap happy would have been an understatement.  However, through out the day my old friend loneliness had crept back in.  And I have learned over the years that it is better to voice these emotions, then keep them bottled up.

Here is how our conversation went:

Me:  I am feeling lonely

Jo:  Aw, because everyone is coupling up.

Me:  Yeah

Jo:  Well lets think of ways that people meet in the movies.

Me:  *Silence…*

Jo:  You could have a cat and take it to the vet, who is handsome and single.  Or your mom could  be dying and her doctor be the man of your dreams.  Or maybe you could go on a ski vacation and meet the brooding handsome son of the ski lodge owners.

Me:  What?!? *laughing uncontrollably*

Jo:  Wait, you don’t like cats, we don’t want your mom to die, and you hate to ski!

Me:  *crying, I am now laughing so hard*

Jo:  *crying, and laughing just as hard*

Joann and I

Trish, me and Joann

Yes, you are welcome for that view into our friendship.  And as absurd as that conversation was, it got me thinking.  Do I view my life like this?  And the more I have dug into it, the more I realized that I do.  Unconsciously, I have been believing that the day I meet the man of my dreams, we fall madly in love within seconds.  And then, we will ride off into the sunset in blissful marital happiness.

Ugh, now what do I do with this!

Whenever I discover a lie, I have to counteract it with a truth.  The truth is, relationships are hard.  I desire a marriage.  A real one with intimacy, conflict, joy, and mess.  But I don’t want to put the work in.  I don’t want to weed through all the jerks online to find that one gem.  I want the intimacy without the conflict.  The joy without the mess.  And my conversation with Joann has shone a bright light into this area of my heart.  And I can’t turn it off! (trust me I tried).

Telling myself lies has led me to give my heart away to countless men.  Not to men who deserved it, but men who had no interest in treasuring my heart.  I want to believe that I am not willing to do this anymore.  But truth is I do it everyday.  So desperate for love, I fling my heart in the direction of any man who looks my way.

Proverbs 4:23 tells us to”Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”  The life of a real relationship flows from the heart, and I am throwing it away on pointless dreams.

So what are my steps to achieve my dream marriage?  First I need to stop flicking away pieces of my heart.  Second I need to prepare my heart to be wounded again.  Real intimacy requires handing my heart over to someone else.  That process leads to gut wrenching heartache in the depths of my soul.  I have to be willing to trust that they will take care of it.

That is what I am pondering this week.  Is the joy and intimacy experienced in marriage worth the heartache that comes with it? What do you think?  Tell me below.

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The truth about change

Recently, I was blessed to witness one of my best friends get married.  It was a great weekend, full of laughter and fun with three of my closest friends.  But it was also a weekend of stark realizations.

Life is change.  You can’t escape it.  You can’t hide your head in the sand and hope it goes back to what it was.  Change is inevitable.

Trish, Joann, Me and Christine

Trish, Joann, Me and Christine

Years ago a friendship was forged between four women.  We walked through some of the deepest valleys of my life together, and they held me along the way.  For hours each week we would laugh, cry, and share our lives with each other.  When I moved to Oregon in 2008, our friendship began to change.  Since then, I have been trying to recapture what we had.  And as I flew out that weekend for the wedding, my expectation was no different.

As the weekend wore on, I began to realize, that what we had can’t be recaptured.  But it has changed and grown over the years into something better.  But to enjoy the better, I have to let go of the old.  Change is easy to do, but harder to live with.

Life doesn’t stop just because I want it to.  It moves on.  People change, weddings and babies happen.  Distance separates us.  I watch my friends move on and feel like I have been left in that valley; struggling to get out of the muck, as everyone else leaves me behind.  I feel the same way when it comes to my hopes and dreams.  They are always within grasp, but never quite realized.


Yes that is water about to boil. 🙂

That is the reality of dreams.  They aren’t meant to be caught, they are meant to be surpassed and new ones take their place.  They are like change, it happens when you aren’t looking.  Just like watching water boil.  You can stare at it for ever.  Even give up and turn away.  But until all the elements have aligned, the dream will not come to fruition.

As I grow and change so do my dreams.  God shapes me and makes me more like Christ.  My eyes are opened to who I am in him, and they begin to take a more solid shape.

Just like change, dreaming is easy.  But achieving them is not.  We have to work to accept change and allow dreams to happen.  Because dreams and change are one in the same.  And our success is found in allowing ourselves to change as well as those around us.  When we accept our change, chasing our dreams becomes fun.  And when you allow those around you to change, you discover how beautiful they are when they chase their dreams.

 What dreams are you chasing?  What dreams do you wish you had the courage to chase?

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Wedding Fun

I haven’t been writing much lately because God has been stretching me!  I was given the opportunity to photograph two weddings.

The first was my best friend Trish who married a wonderful man named David.  I wasn’t the official photographer.  In fact, I didn’t even shoot these pictures of the ceremony (Jo gets credit for that)!  I really enjoyed the weekend and got home exhausted Monday night.  

Then this past weekend, Iwas paid for my first gig, shooting a new friends wedding.  Talk about go big or go home.  Luckily I wasn’t the primary.  Sarah hired me for more artsy candid photos.  The Metcalfs and the Knoxs were such a fun group of people and such a wonderful heart for God.

The bonus is I learned a lot about lighting and posing people for pictures.  I am ready to tackle the world of portrait photography.  Well maybe not tackle, but at least put my whole foot in the water.

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The New Adventure Begins

Words and pictures have always been meaningful to me, and I have always had a vague dream of using them some day.

Maybe I could travel the world, and tell people’s stories.

Or capture a moment in time to share with the world.

As I finished Packing Light, by Allison Veserfelt, (Allison’s Blog), I wondered if my dream was even still alive.  However, her words, gave me permission to dream again. My hand grasped that door knob and I wondered if the dream was too tired after all these years to come to fruition.  But I tentatively turned the knob, yanked on the door as the hinges were rusted over from years of neglect and my dream rushed into reality.

Joy filled my soul.  Each step God gave me the choice.  Each time it became easier to say yes!

It hasn’t been easy!  I have had to push passed my insecurities and trust that God knows what He is doing.

I am a writer, and a photographer.  I love to tell the stories behind my pictures. What I see, what I feel, and the joy that moment brings me.  In that truth I have found true joy.  For true joy is only found when I pour my gifts out at His feet.  When I believe that He is good and He wants me to find joy in life.

What is your dream?  Are you brave enough to open that door and see what He does? Tell me about it below.




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