Fireflies in the meadow

Hi there, my faithful reader.  Did you miss me?  Thank you that you are still here.

Do you ever have those days or times in your life that you feel like punching God in the throat?  I do today.  I am just frustrated with my life right now.  My body won’t do what I need it to and every time I look in the mirror all I see is a fat girl.  I have several photographs taped to my refrigerator and this evening they caught my eye.  The girl in the pictures is beautiful, her eyes sparkle and her smile lights up the room.  She is loved by so many and loves them in return.  The girl in the picture is captured at times when life is good.  At the coast with her mother, on her best friends wedding day or playing around at the rose gardens.  She is stuck in that moment, no future and no past, just is.

Then I walked into the bathroom and I was struck by the difference in my attitude.  The girl in the mirror is overweight.  She is lacking color and went and cut her hair short(stupid!).  Death has walked over her grave if the bags under her eyes are any indication.  She is forgotten, abandoned and unloved by all.  And the big one, she is unforgivable and despised by all (all in my head I know).

As I stare into the clear blue eyes I wonder what the difference is.  Why do I envy the girl in the picture, and despise the one in the mirror.

The one in the mirror has issues.  Her past chases her day and night, destroying her dreams so she wakes tired and feeling gross.  She struggles with money, and most days chooses to cry instead of running away from the mountains of debt she has.  She gets angry when she tries to run and her body just won’t work.  Her hips get stuck or her calves turn to rocks.  She has hopes and dreams for a time when life won’t be this hard.  That maybe those days will hold more laughter and less tears.  More hugs and less solitude.   And someone who can’t wait till the end of the day to reconnect with her and share their days as they sit on the patio and watch the fireflies dance in the meadow.

Someday, the girl in the picture and the one in the mirror will be the same woman.



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