I am woman, hear me roar.

Women are unique, not just in our gender but in our personalities. I believe God did that for a reason. When he created woman he endowed us with mercy and compassion that isn’t as natural in the male gender. He gave us a desire to nurture those around us, as well as selflessly give of ourselves.

But it is our unique personality traits that I want to focus on today. It never ceases to amaze me how beautiful women are. Wether short or tall, skinny or fat, we are all made in the image of the one true God. However, I don’t see myself that way, I have always struggled with who I am and how I look. From a young age I knew I was different. Not only do I look different, but the way I look at the world is different. I have been gifted with an intuitive sense for other’s feelings, as well as the eye to capture God’s creation through photography. But I also tend to always feel alone, detached, separated,weird. In fact I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding who I am from those around me.

In fact most days I struggle to even feel connected to the people around me. If I do find someone I connect with, I cherish that relationship. On top of that I don’t understand why people love me and miss me, in fact it confuses me. I don’t understand how they can love me, when they don’t even know the depths of me. It’s not their fault they don’t know, I tend to not share my dreams and desires. I hold things pretty close to my chest, holding tightly until I am ready to tell the world.

Why do I tell you all of this? Several years ago I took something called the Meyers Briggs personality test and I was typed as an INFJ and I left it at that. Then I found this group, 34 other INFJ’s. See we are a rare breed, only 1% of the population falls into this box. Through this group I have began to see myself as not alone, but as uniquely created by God. In the past emotions would overwhelm me till I could no longer process them and I would end up in a puddle of tears. It was here that I would find myself before the throne of God, questioning why He made me this way.

And He has answered, over and over. I am finally getting it. He made me for a specific purpose. I am not an accident, nor am I mass produced by an uncaring God who is bored with His duties. NO! From the beginning of time, I have been meticulously handcrafted, etched, carved, and shaped until my uniqueness and flaws shine for the world to see. Because it is those ‘traits’ that create my voice, my will to write and my ability to articulate my feelings and the feelings you have as well.

The trait that overwhelms me with emotion causing me to feel trapped in my own mind, misunderstood by the world around; is the same one that demands I explain myself to the world. It demands that I express these feelings through words, paint, wood, pictures; what ever God puts in front of me.

The trait that makes it difficult to connect, gives me the ability to see the loneliness etched in so many womens’ faces around me and strive to connect to them. And this one is why I write. I want you to know, you are not alone. There is someone in this world going through the same thing you are. Not only that Jesus Christ left His throne in heaven to be born as a baby to go through the same struggles we do and to show us that we can persevere.

I want to connect to you, I want you to know you are valuable, you are loved and you are unique for a purpose.

What is something unique about you? Do you love that uniqueness, or do you fight to be ‘normal’?

Facebookby feather
Facebookby feather

I quit

Have you ever given up?

Stopped striving for what you thought God wanted?

I have.

Last year I quit.

I stopped doing everything I loved and enjoyed. My camera has gone months without seeing the light of day. This blog has more cobwebs than words. My muscles ache to be used to run, lift, squat, and strain. And my creative eye went blind. I was done.

For ten years I had thrown myself into God’s process of transformation for my life. Each step I would think, “I’m almost there”. But where is there? That is the question I pondered at the end of last year and the answer surprised me.

Since coming to Christ in 2004; I had moved to two different states, made countless acquaintances, racked up months of counseling, and read through the bible at least two times. I gave up my life to follow His, spent 18 months living in a missional environment and always made sure I was volunteering at church. Where had all of this striving taken me?  To a state that was literally trying to kill me( allergies ugh), a depression so deep I never thought I would find my way out and a job that made me want to pull my hair out in boredom. I was exhausted, and God was telling me that I was missing the point.

So I quit.

And He took over!

He pushed me out of my comfort zone and into a job that stretches me everyday. With no experience for this position I had to rely on God to give me the focus and character I needed to excel. Everyday I am in awe that I work where I work, do what I do.

Then came the new church. The moment I walked into Grace Chapel my whole body screamed home. After the service I found myself volunteering, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. A small group welcomed me into their midst but I had to wait on God to begin to develop deep friendships. And He taught me that to be loved, I must love first.

Finally, He opened my eyes up to who I am. He taught me to see myself as He does, and to focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses. And He showed me that His blessings can not be earned. There is nothing I can do to change His heart for me, I already have it all.

Are you striving to earn His love?  Do you need to quit?

Facebookby feather
Facebookby feather