Have you heard this song? “My Story” Listen to it here
“If I told you my story
You would hear Hope that wouldn’t let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life, but it wasn’t mine”
For the last year I have struggled with guilt that I was letting God down by not writing, but when I heard this song I swear a little light bulb popped up over my head! Maybe God doesn’t need me to tell my story for Him, but to remind me of who He is. You see when I lost hope, I lost me. I lost my purpose and my passion for this life and I lost what He is to me. MY savior and redeemer. When I don’t write, when I don’t tell my story I loose what He has done and is doing, and He knows this! But I also loose out on opportunities to connect with others.
There is this woman, who has been telling me her story for years, and she doesn’t even know it. Because she does it through sharing when she has an aha moment with God, or when she hasn’t heard from Him in years. She does it through her authenticity when she tells me of her struggle to be a Godly wife and mom. But I also hear it in the voices of her daughters as they grow into beautiful women.
Most of us bleed our stories into life around us and have no idea the impact we make on those around us. Tonight I was reminded of a time when I did this, and it reminded me of who I am in God.
So here I am trying to believe that my story is not inadequate and that someone needs to hear them. Because I need to tell my story, I need to bleed it. I need to remind myself that my story isn’t my story but His story.
It’s new years eve, that time of year we all sit and reflect on the past year. 2015 was the hardest year Ive encountered since I came to Christ over 10 years ago, and there is not one thing that made it so. I just systematically gave up each day a little bit more, until I had no hope in anything ever going right. But most importantly I gave up on God. But He didn’t give up on me (does He ever).
My car was stolen – He blessed me with more than I paid for it in compensation
I sprained my ankle – it should have broke!!
I pulled away from church, friends – they reached out to me and wouldn’t let me fall through the cracks.
I pulled away from Him – He continued to bless me with answered prayers, a trip to India, memories with my mother and renewed relationships.
I gained loads of weight – He reminded me of my true beauty outside of my appearance.
I lost all hope – He showed me what hope truly looks like.
For over ten years I have chased after the love of my life, but my hope wasn’t in Him. It was in me. I believed I was the one who always had to push through, I was the one who had to get up and keep going everyday. But I see now my hope was misplaced, and that is why this year was so hard. You see when you place your hope in yourself or another person you are bound to be let down. But if your hope is in the living God, life is limitless, because He is limitless.
And this is how I enter 2016 with a new Hope in a living God, and I am excited. I have never encountered Him this way before and it feels good to function out of hope instead of despair. So I face this year with hope that He will guide me out of the depths of laziness I have fallen into it. That He will show me my value to His kingdom, not this world. And my Hope is in His promise that He is working all things for my good and His glory.
I pray you find a new hope this year as well and that your life would be transformed by the saving power of Christ.