The In between

“Where to hide?”  They start to sing
The corner engulfs me, as the truth assails me
I’m a fraud and I stand in the court of the king.
“The stains” I gasp as I scrub at my dress
They’ll know, they’ll see, I’m not supposed to be.
What a disaster, what a mess!
“I didn’t know”, I whisper.  Its a foreign land, a foreign place
The culture abuses, the rules ensnare
Won’t they let me plead my case?
The prince arrives, He glows with mercy and love
No where to hide, no place to escape
I push into the wall, trapped like a caged dove.
“My Love” He whispers, His fingers brush my chin
his eyes pierce my soul, love burns as He pays my debt
dross burns away, I am cleansed from within.
“Finally” He sighs, “my love has arrived”

 I wrote this poem a few months after I stumbled into Christ’s arms.  I was lost in the ‘Christian culture and confused by everything.  My defense had always been an ability to blend in, but I had no context and couldn’t blend.  I stuck out like a snowstorm in the desert. Ten years later I still do the same, here in the bible belt the tension is even greater.  It is easier to just go to church on Sunday and pretend the rest of the week.  In the in between I find myself drifting more towards the world than towards Him.  Luckily He always finds me in my corner.

Truth is he is my corner, He is the strong tower I huddle against and He is the hand that brushes my tears away.  He is the one who laughs with me and pierces my heart when it gets too hard. But the tension between Him and the world, has always been hard for me.  I’m a peace maker, I don’t like conflict.

But is that tension really conflict, or is it the dance with our savior in the In Between.  While I walked the beach several years ago, He showed me just that.  as I walked, the waves periodically lapped my feet, sometimes up to my knees.  Then they would ebb and I would be left on the sand.  But for a moment I was in both worlds, the sand under my toes, the slight touch of the water and we began to dance.

In the middle I stand alone.

One foot in the world, one foot in the Kingdom.

I like it here.

Different days I venture one way or the other.

Neck deep in the Kingdom, to drown in the light of His love.

Or into the world to spread seeds from above.

But in the middle I stand alone,

Alone with Him

I like it here.

Sunset Walk

I long for this dance every moment of my life.  And someday, when my time here is done, I will dance with Him forever.  Until then, I will ebb and flow with the beat of this life; being in the world but not of it.

How do you handle the tension of being in the world but not of it?

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